As human beings, we have the ability to develop friendship and connections with people. These relationships can be the result of many different things- through mutual friends, meeting at church or school, shared challenges or joys. But one thing is for certain about these friendships, we never know where they will take us in life.
During the time that I have been on this journey I have discovered an area of my life that needed to be assessed-my friendships. I have not had the best growing up years and have had my fair share of heartache and pain. The relationships within my family have never been strong and so I turned to my friends.
I had my first pen-pal at 5 years old. My Sunday school class was girls my own age and we had a great time. But that was about it. I didn't have any close friends from school because I was homeschooled. I didn't play sports so I didn't have any friends from there either. My family moved a lot so I never got to really "grow up" with the kids from our home church. We'd see each other every few years or so but never really got very far in our friendship.
Then came STEP (Skills Training for Emergency Preparedness- a four week girls camp). The experiences you share with your STEP-sisters creates a bond that is hard to explain or understand. I went as a student in 2006 and it really changed my life. That was the longest period I had been away from my family and my first time to share a room with someone besides my sister. STEP has it's challenges and it is sharing these challenges that creates such a deep bond. But that was also the reinforcement of a pattern in my life that would take several years to break-living for my friends.
My friends are the ones who I know won't judge me for what I do but will try and help me grow through my weaknesses. Of course some are closer then others and that creates its own set of challenges. This summer was the beginning of be seeing my life through different lives. There has been only one person who I have ever referred to as my "best friend"- I've only known her since May 2009. But because of a common past, and being STEP-sisters, she became my BFF.
I returned to STEP this summer as a group leader, my BFF was also one. What I did not foresee was the amount of time that we would spend together- at the cost of those under and over us. One of my team leaders confronted me about it and I was heart-broken. I had no idea how I was behaving and how it was affecting those I was serving with. But that was only the beginning of my journey.
When I returned home, I decided that it was about time that I worked on improving my relationship with my mother. So we have had several long conversations. She also pointed out the way that I handle my relationships. I slowly began to see that I was a bigger coward then I first thought. I had spent my entire life not willing to improve my relationships with my family but expecting to have good friendships.
So I have been making changes, in my family and in my friendships. I believe I can have the best of both worlds, but it will take time and sacrifice.
I wrote this a few months ago and I'm still working on my relationships. Praise God I have seen some improvement, only because I've been willing to humble myself and become the person Christ wants me to be.
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